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Entries Tagged as 'Jokes'

My Porn Has Sex In It

October 2nd, 2010by Vicky · No Comments

There is a book out right now called Porn For Women, that contains men vaccuuming, doing things like changing the toliet paper roll before it is empty.  All fully dressed.

Ok, the guys are hunks, I’ll agree with that.  But having created porn for women sites now for almost 10 years, I have to say I don’t get turned on by watching a guy vacuum…. unless he was nude with a hardon.

This comic I found online sums it up quite well:

Click To Enlarge

Most women I know like to look at naked men either solo, or having sex with a woman.  Ok, maybe having sex with several people, but normally nudity of some form  is in there somewhere.   Just my 2 cents. ;)

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Ooh Girl an honest R & B song

June 18th, 2009by Vicky · No Comments

Saw this posted up on a webmaster board, and laughed until I was crying.  Finally, a man who is honest about his lack of ability to have sex all night long.  Enjoy. ;)

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My 1 day job

April 28th, 2009by Vicky · No Comments

My sister sent me this, and I thought it was funny as hell. ;)

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day……

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7.. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’

So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’ My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

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The Geography of Women and Men

January 16th, 2009by Vicky · No Comments

The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa,
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe,
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain,
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece,
Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
With a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,
Has been through war and doesn’t make the same mistakes twice; Takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
Self-preserving but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes like Tibet,
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages …
Only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
The Geography of a Man
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

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Hunk on the rocks…masterbating not stirred

December 11th, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

Couldn’t resit the very bad pun for Brad’s pics. Brad is 32 years old, loves the ocean and anything wet. When we asked him to do a photo shoot, he said his favorite place to get naked was where he loved to dive, so these pics show this sexy guy getting naked on the rocks. Mmmmm! And for some reason, he reminds me a bit of the current bond. Now thats one hot man. ;)

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At a loss for words, here is some random nonsense to help you out

November 24th, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

On the webmaster board that I hang out on, people were posting their favorite wordpress plugins. One webmaster wrote:

WP-Writers block
If you can’t think of something to write or if your just not in the mood to blog,this plugin automatically writes interesting,entertaining posts for you

One webmistress was really interested in this plugin (wouldn’t all of us) and a snarky webmaster posted a link up to random nonsense.  I admit, I wasted about 5 minutes clicking the “keep clicking here” button to reload some truly odd sentences.   Now if they could only make a REAL WP plug in for writers block. ;)

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Be careful what you wish for

June 22nd, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

Another joke from my sister that teaches, be careful what you wish for. ;)

The Wedding Fairy

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”
The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling, husband.”
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I.”
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish, so the fairy waved her magic wand and poof…the husband became 92 years old!
The moral of this story: men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.

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How Old Do You Think I am?

June 4th, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

My sister sent this in the mail to me, made me laugh, hope it does you too. ;)

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50 birthday. She
spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On
her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind
my asking, but how old do you think I am?’ ‘About 32,’ is
the reply.’ ..’Nope! I’m exactly 50′, the woman says

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and
asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl
replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’…..The woman replies with a
big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in
a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to
the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning
question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ ….Again she
proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question. He replies,
‘Lady, I’m 78 years old and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell
how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires
you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only
then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in
silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hand under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her
breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay….How old
am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes
his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed,
the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
The old man says, ‘Promise you won’t get mad?’

‘I promise I won’t’ she says. …….

‘I was standing behind you at McDonald’s.’

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Living Will

June 1st, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

My sister sent me this, and I found it funny as hell. Isn’t this so very typical?

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,
“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of
life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer.

She’s such a bitch.

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Why Men Should Buy Hats

May 5th, 2008by Vicky · No Comments

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are “Snowbirds” in Arizona.
Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some
on sale at WalMart, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly.

He saunters into the house and says to his wife,
“Notice anything Different about me?”

Bessie looks him over and says, “Nope.”

Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks
back into the room, completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asks, a little louder this time,
“Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?”

Bessie looks up and says,
“Ray, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down
yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Ray yells,

To which Bessie replies,
“Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat.”

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